I didn’t realize it was coming but I knew something had to be done. It’s like I knew that what I was always attracted to wasn’t really good for me but I didn’t know how to break away from it. I knew I could have so much more than what was in front of me but I had a problem with trusting that better was near. That’s where I was. Asking for help. Wanting change and needing courage to leave what was comfortable behind.
I told the guy no. I told those friends goodbye. I told my stubbornness to flee. I called on God. I searched for him with my whole heart. See I was growing, learning about the world, in college, trying to find my way. I knew about God. I heard about him while sitting in the pew as a little girl. I knew he could hear me when I talked, but did he see me because I certainly can not see him. I kept following behind him day by day, his shadow, the words written in that book we call the Bible. I wanted to know, are you the same God that my grandmother prayed to and my mom taught me to trust at night. Are you coming to save me?
So I decided that I would take just one step. I decided to start seeking and March 11, 2011 I said “I do”. I mean for real this time. It wasn’t the love I had for him back in the day when I did it because everyone else was doing it. It was the real thing. It was an unconditional love. It was the love that I knew I couldn’t find in anyone else. And throughout the journey we have been tested, we have been talked about and we have been strained but he keeps holding on to me. We hold on to each other. Wherever I go, even when I can not see, I can hear him. I feel him comforting me and fighting for me when the world tries to break us apart. I said I do but he said I do well before I knew he existed. He watched me, He cared for me and he uplifted me even when I could not recognize him. He always knew who I was. I was yet discovering who he was. I was yet struggling to believe that someone like this would choose me first. I never had to chase for it, I never had to compromise for it, I just had to believe.
So unconditionally I am saturated with his love, although I mess up and although I may fall, he runs to me, he chases me, he gives me everything I could ever want. Because he knows me all my needs are met. Because he cares for me I never have to wonder. And though he has other obligations I never fail to feel like I am the one. He is my king and I am forever grateful for the chance to say I do. No man can ever separate us because it is written, “I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee” (Hebrews 13:5) and so I continuously live with companionship, I continuously lay down in peace. He makes it so easy to choose, therefore I continuously say “I do”.